happy thoughts

There aren’t enough happy thoughts any more.

Love keeps slipping farther away.

Sometimes I wish I could erase my memories,

it’s must too painful to have to recall old days.

Every thought I ever think, every smile,

every tear I’ve ever cried,

they are all for you, for who you were

and you live in them somewhere deep inside.

But I’m not happy anymore.

With you gone, I don’t want to live like this.

I need to change into someone else

that you would not be ashamed to kiss.

I have let myself go and way too far.

I doubt I could even be recognized.

I want to be who I want to be:

the person you had once so highly prized.

There are things I fear more than others,

troubling things that cause me to worry.

The way I live is growing old,

and it seems, to the end, one must always hurry.

But I don’t want to go through this life alone

where the grey sky is my only comfort.

I want to be finished when they bury my bones,

Satisfied when I’m covered with dirt.

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