There is someone I miss every day.
I carry him around my neck like a stone.
He is weighing me down
and life is heavy enough as it is.
I have a hard time finding the balance between
honoring his memory and thinking about him obsessively.
The choice has become memory and my life.
He ended his own and I blame myself.
But I am not to blame for it.
At least not fully.
He was a grown man and made his own decisions in everything.
I can not continue to torment myself over the past.
I was the one who said and did those things,
but he was the one who took away the opportunity
for me to try and make it right.
The love I feel will never die, and it is ok to think of other things.
His memory will always be in my heart.
But if he continues to be all I think of,
if I ignore living, my life will be gone too.
It doesn’t stop and wait for me.