realization

There is someone I miss every day.

I carry him around my neck like a stone.

He is weighing me down

and life is heavy enough as it is.

I have a hard time finding the balance between

honoring his memory and thinking about him obsessively.

The choice has become memory and my life.

He ended his own and I blame myself.

But I am not to blame for it.

At least not fully.

He was a grown man and made his own decisions in everything.

I can not continue to torment myself over the past.

I was the one who said and did those things,

but he was the one who took away the opportunity

for me to try and make it right.

The love I feel will never die, and it is ok to think of other things.

His memory will always be in my heart.

But if he continues to be all I think of,

if I ignore living, my life will be gone too.

It doesn’t stop and wait for me.

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