I stopped at the old gas station
halfway between my house and my sister’s.
I always hope to see you there.
I drive the country roads every time,
because they take me past your home.
I always slow down around the curve,
mostly to see if your car is in the drive.
I wonder what it’s like inside,
this place I only imagine.
I see your face every day,
but it never seems to be enough.
You comfort me in ways I can never tell you.
I listen to the words you say,
hanging onto every movement of your lips.
You say meaningless things that mean so much to me.
Or else you show your true colors, and it hurts
because mine complement yours
and you can never know how well.
I wish you could see how I feel about you.
How many times have I caught myself,
stopped my idiotic words in mid-sentence,
because you stupify me and I am terrified to reveal too much?
You can never know how I long for your hand
to cover mine, for your eyes to search mine out.
You can never know the truth.
With every tiny piece of good in my evil heart,
I am protecting you from me,
I swear it.
I will take out my frustrations on lesser men.
I will do all the things I want to do to you,
but without love, without meaning;
Only the motions will be there.
And it’s what they deserve for taking it,
for not being you.
I can never let you know how I wish it was you.
I will never let you know how I feel, my friend.
Because you are so good.
Because you are too good for me.