To someone I once loved: a letter

I was waiting for rain in the guest room

And I found my mind was drifting to you.

I wonder if you ever loved me; I think so.

Am I the only one you ever loved?

My sister’s kids are growing so fast:

The baby’s almost four.

I’ve been been thinking more and more

about how I want my own babies

And how good you were with children.

I feel rain in the air.

Someone said it was my sixth sense.

Maybe so; it doesn’t matter now.

Maybe it does, who can say?

If you were here, you would give me good advice.

That was you your gift, you know?

Maybe you didn’t.

You always said:

‘It’s your decision’, but told me my best option.

I wanted you to love me.

You were so good and wise and caring.

I’d never seen that in a boy before.

I’d never seen that in anyone before.

Did you know I think of you so much?

Every time I see a white Ford pickup.

There are a lot of those around here.

And I still miss you every time I see one.

Some days you are a curse.

I can’t see anyone in the light that I saw you.

Maybe that’s a good thing.

I don’t know.

Today, it sure doesn’t feel like it.

Then again, it’s one of those days, where nothing feels right.

I see a lot of those too.

It doesn’t get hot until late up here,

But when summer finally comes,

there’s a lake and I’m going swimming.

Did I ever thank you for teaching me how?

I had to fix the sink the other day,

but besides that, my new house is great.

And first thing tomorrow, I’m painting the kitchen yellow.

I found the perfect shade.

It’s just like your mom’s place used to be.

You wouldn’t know me if you saw me.

My hair is so short, and I lost some weight

and I wake up at five.

I always slept so late.

I guess I just couldn’t stop dreaming.

I miss you for that; you had me spoiled.

Now I have to face reality more and more.

Mostly I don’t mind, but every now and then…

I still crack my knuckles and chew my gum too loud.

You hated that so much.

And the bank tellers know me and my favorite

flavor lollipop: cream soda, just like you.

I don’t have to fight for them anymore…

I miss that too.

I’m going to have to repaint the porch soon

And fix this chair, it’s so wobbly.

I hope I’m not wasting to much of your time.

I don’t even know why I wrote…

The air is chilly here today, but the sun is always warm.

There are a few dark clouds that I can see,

And when the breeze blows

it smells like honeysuckle and some wild flower

I don’t know the name of.

It grows in the ditch on the side of the road.

I like it so much, I thought I’d dig it up

and plant it in the yard, but

I haven’t gotten around to it.

And besides, I think it’s happier where it is.

Before I forget, I have your shirt, your favorite one.

(It’s still as comfy as it ever was.)

I’ll send it to you if you want;

I don’t know if you still care about it.

Did you ever get to go to Couer D’Alaine?

I’ve been working a lot to get some extra

money and time so I can go.

I think next year;

I don’t have time this summer

and it will be too cold for me in the fall.

Listen, I better go.

It’s getting late and it’s starting to rain.

P.S. – I started to close the windows

and a white Ford rolled by.

I’ll always be waiting for you.

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