I am a sickly mess.
I need someone to put their arms around me
and say it will be alright.
I feel sad and uncertain.
I need someone to let me lay my head in their lap
and stroke my hair until I fall asleep.
I am tired and afraid.
I need someone to be there for me when I’m
knee deep in all these needs.
But you never notice.
You don’t care
that I’m worn out and scared.
You have left me alone
to deal with these problems all on my own.
And most days I don’t mind.
Most days I am just fine.
But tonight I want to curl up in a ball
and cry till I’ve cried all
the tears that I hold inside,
forgetting my pride.
You know I’ve never been good
at letting it out like a normal person should.
I tend to keep pushing and keep on going
till I’ve been driven crazy and I’m overflowing
with all of the bad things and all of the sad things that life throws at me
when I walk, when I sleep, when I move, when I breath.
And I can’t figure out why or how anyone expects
me to carry on calmly when I’m clearly so vexed
by the world and its wicked ways
by the way that I’ve been wasting my days
and by the thoughts I’ve been thinking
and how low I’ve been sinking
and how I try never to let anyone down.
A little burning missile
penetrated the membrane,
and I feel it slide down my cheek.
It’s followed closely by a barrage
of its brothers.
Will I ever find the comfort I seek?